As we’re wrapping up the second month of 2019, I’ve already learned a lesson that I’ve been trying to avoid probably my whole life…patience.

To give a little background, I am hopelessly impatient. I hate waiting in lines, for the weather to change, and for payday to hit. Unfortunately for me, life involves a ton of waiting. Because of this, situations that probably wouldn’t bother other people really ruffle my feathers. I can admit that I don’t like this about myself, but I was also in denial that this was something that I needed to change.

In all of this, I realized that I needed to lean very heavily on God to get me through this and teach me patience rather than trying to be patient when I felt like it would be convenient for me. These past few months have involved trials in which I had to wait for things with no set timeframe. God would offer me a glimpse of what I had been praying for, and then it seemed as if He would put a roadblock right after. I felt as though I was being driven insane. Each day, I would pray for what I was hoping to happen and I felt like God was ignoring me. Some days, I would feel a firm “no” in my spirit and other days I heard “just be patient.”

Being told to be patient seemed agonizing. I’d much rather know that something wasn’t happening at all instead of biding my time waiting for things to change. There were days that I cried and got frustrated, but then realized I was being ungrateful because something was actually happening — just not on my time.

However, I also learned that just because you do get something on your own time doesn’t actually mean that it’s best for you. Recently, I’ve tried to do a few things my own way, and then God would show me why it wasn’t the best fit for me. I would feel instantly gratified, then soon after there was a sinking feeling that the happiness that came from being impatient wasn’t going to last.

As upsetting as that was, I knew I was learning a valuable lesson and that God would keep trying to teach me this lesson until I finally decided to embracing being patient and trusting His time rather than my own. In growing older and aiming to become a woman of faith, I decided that I needed to be receptive to this lesson rather than trying to push it off forever.

By no means am I saying this process is easy. I am still learning and growing everyday, but I am realizing when I need to take a step back and let God work instead of trying to force the Universe’s hand to give me what I want. In accepting this change, I am finding opportunities and instances in my life that leave me feeling fulfilled rather than feeling empty and drained within a few days.

I challenge all of you to think about what you’re asking for and why you really want it as well as why you think it would be better to have it happen on your time rather than God’s. If you’re anything like me, you may finding yourself searching for that answer for quite a while.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. — Ecclesiastes 7:8, NIV