It’s funny how when we’re children, our minds are full of wonder and endless possibilities, how we think we are invincible and that things are at their best.

It’s jarring to then enter adolescence, or even adulthood and realize, that when you thought the best years were ahead of you, you’re confronted with harsh realities. It’s jolting to go from the optimism of childhood into realism, or even pessimism as an adult.

I can safely admit that I was one of those children. I dreamed of growing up, having a picture perfect life — complete with a family and a dog. Now, as I approach 26, I don’t know if this will ever be a part of my story, but I have come to terms with it.

I would rather be happy and by myself, than to create a family and try to project a sense of perfection just for the sake of social media. I would rather raise children and foster a marriage in a house full of love than a house full of “likes” and hearts on social media.

I am still healing and coming to terms with things that have happened in my past. I will not force generational trauma on tiny humans for the sake of saying I started a family.

I am focused on becoming the best version of myself that I can be. Admittedly, that can be very lonely. While I have a wonderful support system, I can not ask them to deeply relate to the experiences I have had in my life nor can I expect them to.

Healing is hard. Healing is not linear. I have learned to accept that some days are better than others, and even when I feel like I am backsliding, I’m making progress because I’m finally willing to be vulnerable and feel my feelings.

I am not perfect. I no longer have the desire to be perfect. This is something that I have struggled with my entire life, but I cannot and will not sacrifice my happiness for perfection.

This is something I am figuring out everyday. I am embracing every high and low, every change, every new experience, in hopes that it will teach me something. Don’t be afraid.

Sometimes, the best moments of our lives are on the other side of fear. I am dreaming of a beautiful life, and I hope you will too.